Living for Jesus!: My heart is broken ~

Sunday, June 27, 2010

My heart is broken ~

My heart is hurting so bad for my sweet Emily. We are a little confused because she is running a fever but we don't know whats wrong. We thought maybe she had Hand Foot and Mouth but there is no sores, we are also wondering if its Strep Throat, but we cant see her throat (that's an impossible task... lol). She scared me on Friday ~ she had a seizure while shopping in the city. After a ride in the ambulance to Children's OU, she was diagnosed with Fibril Seizures (which is a seizure that happens when your fever spikes suddenly). So scary to watch, and I felt helpless but had help from the store we were at immediately and the ambulance was quick. So with a spiking fever and an ongoing temp since Friday ~ we are very unsure what is happening. We cant get into our Dr's until Monday, but I'm thinking about taking her to Urgent Care today when they open.

My heart is hurting for Falls Creek as well ~ Our Youth group leaves tomorrow for Falls Creek and I'm unsure if I will be attending. I feel like I'm being tested, but I'm not sure why I'm being tested. I want to pass this trial, but I feel so sad, confused, heart broken for Emily, and upset that I could miss Falls Creek with my girls, Youth Group and great Sponsors!!! Please pray for Emily and myself ~ for an open mind and heart to what God has in store for us this week!!! Thank you to everyone who knew and have been praying.

2 comments:

Connie J said...: Praying here, my friend! You are an integral part of this ministry and as much as I desperately want you to go, I also know that God is in control and quite possibly has much to teach each of us. Of course we are praying that Emily's fever goes away!!!
Love you!; June 27, 2010 at 3:07 PM
Erica said...: Oh my prayers from Guatemala! I hope my sweet girl gets better...I know how those seziures are and they r scary! Love ya and praying for amp also!; June 27, 2010 at 10:53 PM

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David and I Testimony

Let me share with you are testimony that brought us to Adoption and where He is taking us now.
As most of you know I went to Falls Creek the last week of June, and the Lord spoke to me about China once more. My husband was there with me and there was many things going on between him and I that needed to be fixed and had to be taken care of. Because of that I was a little worried to bring up China again, for fear of him really getting mad at me. With the power of the Lord I faced those fears and talked to him about adoption and we really discussed where and what we were suppose to do. He was really not on board as usual, but I asked him to pray consistently about adoption and I would wait to hear from him. Waiting is really not my style, but the Lord granted me that gift and I was somewhat quiet....... My oldest daughter was not completely on board either, for she is very structured and afraid of change. Kaylee on the other hand was ready to fill out an application immediately. With many days of prayer my husband told me that he was feeling led to pursue a special little girl, one you all might remember. She was all of the sudden back in our lives, for the fact of an incredible story. She had been referred to a very special woman in Florida for reasons of her own, had declined her. She was born very premature and had some medical issues that were current. The special lady in Florida had to make the very difficult decision and followed her heart. She had been in contact with Connie and she had shared the news with us the day after we got back from Falls Creek. This is where our story picks up by David saying I feel we should pursue a special little girl. My heart sunk and thought Oh my, this is why I went to China, this is why I held her, this is our little girl. With the ladies help in Florida we had more information than what was needed. Bless you S, we found out her name is Hai Lun Xin Qing and she was born on April 7, 2007. We began the process of trying to find her and where her file was. We contacted an agency who helped us to take the next steps, after many phone calls we found her agency that she was at one time listed with. Contacting them was so exciting, and yet I was very scared of the outcome of the phone call. The agency proceeded to tell us that they did not have that file and appeared to never have had that file. I contacted my friend in a panic and said what do we do? She did her best detective work and called me back and said this is the agency call them back and ask for Non Special Needs. I did and sure enough we found it and I was speaking to a wonderful lady, we will call her "B". "B" was so touched by our story and how I had held her that she was going to do anything and everything to help us. She had their agency contact person in China go to the CCAA and request her file to be put on the Special Needs List. "B" than asked me to write a letter to the CCAA requesting her and expressing our love and how we could help her. I hate to write letters, I know what you are thinking REALLY, but I mustered up all the words, thoughts, requirements, and love and wrote the letter. It was sent to CCAA and the waiting process began. We waited and waited.......... Meanwhile "B" said nothing was in stone about receiving this little girl, but if we thought we would adopt anyways we should send our application to the agency to began the process. I talked to David and he told me then, "If we don't get Hai Lun I do not feel we are to adopt" in other words he felt it was her, and if not than we were not to go on. The waiting continued, and then we received a very special gift from Heidi. She was in China and visited the same orphanage that we did, and she was able to take pictures of Hai Lun and sent them to us. We were so excited about the pictures, and all the incredible things the Lord had done up to this point. I thought we really need to send our application in because I really felt the Lord leading me to do this and I was hoping that David would pray or fell the same at this point. I talked to him one special evening and he said he agreed and the next night the application was filled out and in the mail. We were not sure where this was going to take us but "B" said it was a step in the right direction. We were so excited and awaited for the Lord to work. Much to our surprise He did not work in the way we thought He would, but Oh did He work. Two days after sending our application in, on a Friday, we received a phone call from "B" and she started the phone call with "I don't have great news", she proceeded to tell us that the CCAA had requested a medical exam and Hai Lun was very healthy and they had decided to put her on the Non Special Needs list, shortly after those words I was brought to my knees and began to weep. I was crying so hard I don't even think I got the words "good bye" out. As the news sank in I began to get very angry with the Lord, asking Him "why" and telling Him I don't understand why we did all of this and Hai Lun is not ours. My husband and girls took it pretty hard, and we were not sure what to do next. We were already planning on leaving for the weekend for a get away trip, we stuck with our plans. I was hoping as the mom to talk about what had happen and what were to do next. My girls were ok with what ever the outcome was, but I could not get David to talk or change his idea of adoption (that idea being Hai Lun or nothing). My anger with the Lord slowly went away, and the devil was quick to move it to David, because I became very angry with him in the fact that he would not talk, pray, or even think about moving forward. A few days after the news I told my husband how I was feeling and the every emotion that came with those feelings. He said that he would pray about it, but he was really not feeling led in that direction. He began to pray on a Tuesday and things moved quickly. He asked a couple questions Tuesday night, and I knew not to over react to those questions but I also knew that the Lord was speaking to him in some way and he was acting on it. Although I was mourning, over Hai Lun, what seemed to be a lost to me, I was also wanting to adopt another special little girl. This one being the little girl that the Lord had placed in our family already. For He knows the plans for us (Jeremiah 29:11) Wednesday night my husband had asked me many times "What do you want for your birthday?" I would say "I don't know", he asked many many times through out the evening. Before we went to bed, he disappeared and I found him in Ashley's room with the door shut. I thought (selfish, I know) that they were talking about my birthday plans. So I went to bed........ David came in and was surprised I was already in bed and was worried that I had listened to the conversation between him and Ashley. With that worry from David, it confirmed my thoughts of birthday plans. He asked me what they were talking about, and I told him that I really did not listen. He asked me to guess, and I said "Birthday", he said "NO". I was talking to Ashley about her true feelings on adoption. I asked if he could share and he told me that she was on board and that she was afraid of change but she knew that it would be ok and that it would be really cool. He then asked me one more time, "What would you like for your birthday?", I answered the same way once again. "I don't know" with tears in his eyes he said "How about a 'YES'". I was a little confused but I asked "What do you mean?" He said "Do you want to be a mommy again, my heart has been changed and I feel we should go to China and adopt". David story is quite incredible, and I will post his version of his transformation. I could not believe it, after 2 years of adoption on my heart, and waiting on the Lords timing, we were finally here. WE ARE ADOPTING!!!!!!! I can't believe it, our application has been approved and we will be starting our Home Study soon. Who would have thought that in a year and a half I will be in China twice, both an experience that will be incredible and a gift for God that will be cherished forever. Another gift we received from the Lord is Hai Lun has been referred and accepted from a very special mom and dad in Spain, and they have a very special story themselves. Praise the Lord that she is healthy and has her forever family too.
I end my testimony with this, there is a movie that ends with these lines "What is impossible with my God" and the team answers with "nothing Coach". So believers "What is impossible with my God" I answer "Nothing"!!!! Two years of waiting and my husband heart has been changed forever, and we will soon be a family of 5. Lord I thank you for the process, the things you have shown us, taught us, how we learned to lean on you more than ever before, the miracles, and confirming in us the power of pray. Your grace is sufficient and your love amazes me each and every day. Lord, I cant wait to see what you are going to do with the Mueller family and how we will see your work in our lives and learn more about you.
"Be completely humble and gentle: be
patient, bearing with one another in love"
Ephesians 4:2

Living for Jesus!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

My heart is broken ~

2 comments:

Ashley ~ 17yrs

Kaylee ~ 14yrs

Emily ~ 21mths

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